i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
