I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
