She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
