Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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