just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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