Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
