i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
