i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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