This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize