Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
