This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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