went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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