Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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