Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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