I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK