Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
