I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.