I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
how do you play pong handcuffed?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila