hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.