Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?