we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
