I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
