his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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