i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
