does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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