question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You left your phone here
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