my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
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They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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