Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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