i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
