Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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