Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
