just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
