And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
