..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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