know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
