those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
