need another drink. this is the easiest way
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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