Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
