Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize