I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
