Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
