Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.

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  (916): How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology. http://tfl.nu/cnij
  Replies (34) Good night (1130) Bad night (3724)
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  (805): View more from California

  Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.

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  (805): Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order. http://tfl.nu/u5vw
  Replies (16) Good night (3909) Bad night (666)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.

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  (601): There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore. http://tfl.nu/nmw7
  Replies (7) Good night (3182) Bad night (1700)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.

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  (908): so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie. http://tfl.nu/eug9
  Replies (20) Good night (5695) Bad night (1699)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.

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  (484): Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/6dfu
  Replies (25) Good night (7286) Bad night (1161)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.

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  (773): You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930. http://tfl.nu/kxnv
  Replies (14) Good night (3102) Bad night (935)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.

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  (319): Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again. http://tfl.nu/9aen
  Replies (10) Good night (3628) Bad night (1322)
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  (212): View more from New York

  So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober

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  (212): So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober http://tfl.nu/1m5a
  Replies (6) Good night (3042) Bad night (840)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked

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  (360): if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked http://tfl.nu/kcmn
  Replies (24) Good night (5209) Bad night (2026)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.

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  (423): They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire. http://tfl.nu/4291
  Replies (1) Good night (648) Bad night (1007)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.

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  (850): I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this. http://tfl.nu/urhy
  Replies (2) Good night (1114) Bad night (462)
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  (518): View more from New York

  How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.

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  (518): How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day. http://tfl.nu/rh3z
  Replies (6) Good night (1616) Bad night (537)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Aren't you gay?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME

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  (215): I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college (267): Aren't you gay? (215): IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME http://tfl.nu/3fr7
  Replies (6) Good night (2993) Bad night (447)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.

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  (717): Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound. http://tfl.nu/jfvw
  Replies (2) Good night (702) Bad night (245)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm

  (1+61): View more from

  At least it wasn't your drinking arm

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  (+61): In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm (1+61): At least it wasn't your drinking arm http://tfl.nu/wwzo
  Replies (2) Good night (623) Bad night (239)

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