i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
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Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.