you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Operation Purity has been aborted
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children