It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
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I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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