I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?