Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?