Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
