My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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