You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
