Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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