just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
