don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
