sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
