An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
