best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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