we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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