i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
