I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
