if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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