both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.