I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
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If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
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My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.