Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...