I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...