He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
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Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
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Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's official drugs can't kill me