very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.