You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.