3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
