take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
