Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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