If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize