he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
