best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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