community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
