I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
