Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
