I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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