We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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