Someone shit on the floor
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Randomize
