Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
