You just made me feel so damn special
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's on the porch naked. Help.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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