I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
