Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
