I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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