we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
