11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
