I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
