She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
